Who am I?
Posted: Tuesday, August 18, 2009
by Lorena Bathey
Scepter Press
Recently someone asked me "who I was". I thought long and hard about that. I knew the answer in my heart but could I put "who I was" on paper? Would it be transferrable to the page or the written word? So I tried it. I began slowly and used a format that instigated truth and found that as I started to write that some truths escaped that I hadn't realized or at least hadn't verbalized. It was a cathartic experiment that I am now hoping you will do yourself. Take the time to really get intimate with yourself. Praise your amazing gifts and understand the things you wish to make better. We all have those and will for the rest of our days. But most importantly value this testament to yourself that only you know. Because truthfully who knows you better? Enjoy and when you're done print it off and put it where you can read it. Don't let it linger in your Word documents.put it where you can be reminded of the amazingness that is you!
Who am I?
I am a woman who has been laid bare by pain and sadness. In this ripping of my shell of life that I had created as a safety barrier against my true self I found strength that resided that I knew somewhere in my soul existed but had no indication to let free. I am now that woman of strength without the barrier.
I am a woman who loves unconditionally with whole heart, body, mind, and spirit. I know no other way to love. I give myself without thought to pain and potential suffering but revel in the moment that I know is so precious. Loss has shown a light on the fact that hiding behind the bushel is the truest path to anger, resentment, and lack.
I am a woman who has chosen to follow a dream, a calling, and a truth that I feel to the depth of my being. I know with no qualms or guessing that I am a teacher, healer, and empowerer of those who have forgotten or hidden their strength. I am a woman that knows that speaking and helping people is my calling and I will follow that without abandon
I am a woman who will fiercely and with no compunction defend in any way those I love and care for. I know no fear when it comes to standing between those that are being pursued, harassed, or mistreated. I will, like the Lioness of my zodiac, tear anyone's body to shreds if they harm someone who I love with all my soul.
I am a woman who knows not how to do anything in half ways. I am always completely in whatever I chose to do. I love with abandon. Feel with freedom. And in my actions I always know that it is the right thing even if it is not deemed so by others.
I am a woman who has found the true companionship with God. I have joined arms, souls, heart, and mind with God. I follow my life in the course with which God lays it out for me. I do not question in my soul though I may question in my ego.
I am a woman who loved someone so deeply because they loved me as I was. I gave myself to them with true regard and without realizing that they had not the same to give to me. I still love them today and will love them with a part of my heart forever because that is how love.
I am a woman who knows that I am blessed beyond measure with the children that have been given to me. That I carried these two individuals in my womb and felt their movements before they were in fact realized to the world is a gift that I treasure above all others. Because of that gift I will forever thank God for the compassion to know that these two souls would save my life over and over again.
I am a woman who though strong, confident, and able still wishes for someone to kiss her neck and tell her they love her. I am a woman who misses the touch of a man who adores her. I am a woman who has never been adored by a man in the freedom of a relationship.
I am a woman that winces when she hears women or men speak of their lives and can hear the dripping sadness of incompleteness or unhappiness permeating their speech.
I am a woman who will cook for those that need food. I will clean for those who cannot do for self. I will talk to you until the wee hours of the morning if you need to release. I will heal those I feel in pain as they pass by me. I am a woman who knows that every single person and experience that I have had has been for a reason whether I understand it or not.
I am a woman who loves the written word in its finest sense. I despise those that pontificate. I loathe those that are closed in their viewing of the world. I am a woman that will say what I feel whether you agree with me or not. I am a woman that believes that the unity of individuals bring about the most amazing creations.
I am a woman that believes that every soul houses goodness to it and need only be touched to find that. I am a woman that knows that love is the only true emotion and every other emotion is simply a lack of love in life.
I am a woman that is tender, giving, passionate, sexy, wise, truthful, extreme, spontaneous, outgoing, high maintenance , and not afraid to say so. I am messy but clean. I am warm and compassionate while also trying not to judge.
I am a woman who realizes that I judge because I am insecure of my looks, my heart, my love, and the value of it all and work everyday to overcome that obstacle. I am a woman that can look in the mirror and find the glory of my skin, my legs, my hair, my eyes, my heart, my laugh, my smile, and accept that for the me that exists. I am a woman that will continue to work on who I am until I match the bliss of who I want to be.
I am a woman who can listen to music, feel its beat, and then show the rhythm in my body, mind and soul.
I am a woman that can make amazing desserts because I make them with love for those that will eat them.
I am a woman that wants to be self sufficient living the life I am passionate about.
I am a woman that wants to speak fluent Italian having learned it while living in the land itself.
I am a woman who will stop after a bite of food or a drink of wine simply to savor the taste, feel, texture, and thrill of what I am enjoying.
I am a woman who will wear you down with questions as to why you don't love yourself.
I am a woman who will always and always love with abandon no matter the outcome.
I am a woman that knows that without walking outside and speaking with my angels and guides I disconnect from my spirit. I am a woman who must be connected to self.
I am a woman who will stay home all day in my pajamas watching romance, old, funny movies eating popcorn with Parmesan cheese without feeling guilty.
I am a woman who loves romance and has never had what I truly desire in this regard.
I am a woman who believes in the fairy tale ending.
I am a woman who will buy shoes to make myself smile.
I am a woman that will lay myself bare to you in how my soul works absolutely trusting that you will reciprocate or at least value my gift.
This is the woman that I am today, was before, and am becoming tomorrow. It is a passion filled and powerful mix of love and truth. I am a woman that knows that not everyone can handle such abandon; however, I am a woman that believes that God has a perfect puzzle piece for me.
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